Daily Meditations from John N. N. Ng'ang'a: 12th - 18th July 2010 -- Mentoring is about stirring what is in the Mentee
Day 1
1 Cor 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 2 I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the teachings, just as I passed them on to you. NIV
For me to be able to 'multiply my faith' and gifting I will need to pour myself more into others This, by extension means that I will need to create more time for others. For the several years now, time for me has been really insufficient. I always have a full diary due to the professional, ministry and family duties that I have. However who we are and what we achieve in this life depends a lot on our use of time.
There are three main considerations on how we should use our time. I have explored these in my book Leaders source of influence.
Private time: where you are alone- in communion with God, reflecting and making decisions about your life. Mentoring requires that our mentees follow us only is as far as we follow Christ. Read 1 Corinthians 11:1. It is impossible to make a positive impact if you are "empty" or having the wrong information. You benefit your mentees when you sacrifice your private time in order to be with them.
Personal time: This refers to the time you spend with your spouse and / or friends. It is worthwhile to note that friends are few. Friends are are people with whom you can share your inner life with. You need them because they challenge your beliefs before you pass the believes to your mentees .Without the friends, it is likely that you may pass wrong information to your mentees.
Public life: This is what the rest of the world sees about you. Your private and personal life influences your public life. Your mentees are in this sphere. God has a role for you that you do to affect your publics. You do not live only for self.
Day 2
Heb 10:23-25
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching. NIV
We may ask ourselves, how I am I to affect the lives of my mentees. What do I need to do to be effective in my mentoring?
I believe there are structured and non-structured ways of mentoring. In my opinion, to answer the question, I will need to:
Be available. You may be paired with a person who needs mentoring. Mere paring may work. But often it would be even better if a mentee himself or herself approaches a potential mentor, having observed the life of the mentor and admired it.
Get to know the other's expectations at the beginning. Why does a mentor want to be mentored? What does he hope to achieve in the mentoring process? Mentees might be expecting the mentor to meet their financial needs. They may be disappointed if all they get is advice!
We are all human. We have our own strengths and weaknesses. It is therefore important to realize that one mentor may not meet all the mentee's needs. The mentee should remember that the mentor can make mistakes.
Mentoring is the task of 'stirring what is already inside' (read Heb 10:24-25). A mentor is to stir what is already in the mentee (Remember, if you don't put sugar in your tea, no matter how much you stir it will never taste sugar!)That is why my first task as mentor is to discover who the mentee is, what gifts they possess. I then seek to help him develop what he already has. Remember, one cannot make lemonade out of oranges! You need a lemon to do so.
I must also avoid trying to change the mentees on nonessential practices. I should accept him as he is. For example, we belong to different denominations and may have differing religious practices. What is important is to keep to what the Bible says. Only give own opinion where necessary and even then let the mentee know it is only your opinion, not a fact, and he can take it or leave it without offending you. One other essential I must remember is that a Mentor must be able to keep confidences. What I learn in my mentoring sessions must not be taken outside our session without permission.
Day 3
Eccl 3:1 here is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. NIV
In my effort to affect other lives on 'one-on-one' level I have several lessons to learn. For example, I will need to structure our time together in one way or another.
Time frame: structured mentoring requires that the mentoring period be defined upfront. We need to agree right before the sessions how long the mentoring will take, how often we shall meet and how long each session will take, where the sessions will be held, among other considerations.
After a period of time, reviews are necessary to find out if the mentoring process is bearing fruit. Sometimes the mentoring may turn out a waste of time!
What about Mentoring across genders? Mentoring a person of opposite sex may become difficult especially where it is the male who is the mentor. We must be aware that the temptation to turn the mentoring into a sexual relationship is present. The male and female mindsets are different; the mentee should be encouraged to seek a mentor of same sex in certain counseling cases. For example, if the lady has difficulties managing her sexual drive, the Mentor may be in danger, especially when mentoring takes place in a secluded place.
You also need to consider the Number of mentees one can have at any one time. Obviously, it depends on what one is able to handle. In my opinion, three mentees must be the limit otherwise you may be 'spreading yourself too thin'!
One should also consider getting mentoring training from organizations such as the 'Emerging Young Leaders'. This organization offers formal training in mentoring. It is located along Valley road at the AEA compound.
Day 4
Titus 1:4-5 To Titus, my true son in our common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior. 5 The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you. NIV
Which is the best approach in helping develop mentees gifts? How would train them better?
The gateway to training anyone in ministry is personal relationship. Before any of us can be trained, we need to believe that our mentor seriously
believes in us
and wants us to do well
likes us, and respects us.
If we do not notice these in the mentor, it is unlikely that the mentoring relationship will end well. That means that my first task as a mentor will be to create atmosphere for this trust to develop.
Secondly I must Train strengths, not weaknesses. I must consider how I can train myself to focus on a person's strengths rather than his or her weaknesses. In developing another person, the odds of improving existing strengths outweigh the odds of improving their weaknesses.
When you help develop strengths, you capitalize on the person's desire to do those things he's already good at. You need to accept that the mentee is unlikely to have ambition for things he is poor on. By taking the positive side, you awaken a strength the person didn't know he had. Part of training is testing for areas of additional capability.
Thirdly, as a mentor, you must not be surprised when the mentees make mistakes. There is no way to prevent mistakes. Since mistakes discourage, you must see the mentee soon after the mistake to find out an area he is good at so that you encourage him with it. Fourthly, I must try teaching one thing at a time. This is in the assumption that you are clear what you are trying to achieve in your mentee. You must have the big picture so that you are able successfully mentor on each item.
Day 5
Titus 2:6-8 6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. NIV
Like Titus above, I must learn that to influence any changes I must set an example. It is said that habits are caught not taught. This means no amount of speaking will influence my mentee as much more that my habits do. He will catch what he sees me doing. This also means that it is not just how I behave when we meet but my overall way of life-at home, in my work place, and in my private life. Once he is associated with me, it will embarrass him to hear negative things about me. When this happens he either will stop the mentoring meetings or learn that it is ok to behave the way I do.
Paul calls it integrity. I must be a man of integrity in all my life. If I am teaching that my mentee must be self-controlled then I must show myself as self-controlled. My speech must also show that God is in control of my life, and not the devil.